The Deception of Feelings

[flydye8]

Title: The Deception of Feelings

Author: Flydye8

Pairings: Doctor/Donna

Rating: PG

Prompt Word: Doubt

Disclaimer: I don’t own them no matter how much I wish on a star

Summary: Donna reflects on her feelings. This is in response to Traveller's Tales prompt #39 doubt at the doctor_donna.

 ________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Donna walked into the control room as the Doctor finished the landing sequence asking, “So where are we?”

Smiling he replied, “We are on the planet Posidious III I need to make some lubricant for the TARDIS and this is the only place that the silicone, for the lube can be found.”   

“Oh, alright.” Donna replied somberly.

Walking up to her the Doctor looked at her inquisitively, “What is wrong, Donna, since we visited Agatha Christie you seem a bit off are you not feeling well?”

Shrugging off his concern Donna gave him a forced smile, “Oh nothing is wrong, spaceman. I can’t get as excited as you about space lube.”

“Are you sure?” The Doctor inquired once again.

“Yeah, so do what you need to do so we can go and visit an exciting planet.” She replied with fake enthusiasm.

Turning from her the Doctor grabbed a bucket and hurried outside to get the sand he needed, “Okay I will get busy then.”

Donna allowed the false smile to fall from her face as the Doctor exited the ancient ship. She was far from okay but didn’t want the Doctor to know.

Donna watched as the Doctor extracted the precious silicone for a bit, but soon felt herself become restless.

Standing up she stated, “I am going to go for a little walk spaceman.”

A muffled, “Okay” floated in the air as she exited the doors.

As she walked along the beach Donna allowed her mind to work through the conflicting emotions that she had been having since she kissed the Doctor to save his life.

Doubt had always been a constant companion of hers, she use to doubt if her mother truly loved her, she use to doubt if she was a good worker, and she use to doubt if she would do anything useful in her life. Since she had started traveling with the Doctor all those self doubts disappeared with each adventure they had and with each compliment that the Doctor gave her.

She felt special, as the Doctor and she traveled together, but when she kissed him, for a brief moment in time she felt as if maybe they could be more. Until he callously brushed off her ‘surprise’ by saying that he should do the detoxifications more often, like she was some sort of medicine for him to take from time to time.

Donna knew she shouldn’t take it personally but for some reason his statement hurt her and almost immediately all the self-doubt bombarded her once again causing her mind swill with insecurities. All because she felt something more in the rushed kiss that she and the Doctor shared.

Tears fell down her cheeks as the depression; she had fought for years, captured her heart and soul once again. Watching the waves, crash onto the shoreline Donna rose from her perch on the rocks and moved closer to the water. For a brief moment she considered going for a swim and allowing the water to take her to oblivion.

Appalled by her thoughts Donna stepped away from the water and ran to TARDIS trying to escape the feelings that consumed her. 

Rushing through the blue doors and toward her room, surprising the Doctor, she didn’t hear him as he called out to her, “Donna, what is wrong.”

Closing her door she locked it as she ran to her side table and pulled out a bottle of pills of anti-depressants and popped two of them and downed the glass of water that materialized for her. 

Lying on the bed she cried, cursing the fact that she still needed the damn pills. As sleep overcame her she hoped that when she woke up that her troubled emotions would be at bay once again. Then maybe she could face the Doctor, without showing him how much she doubted his affection and friendship for her.